Jurassic Parkis one of the most influential films of all time.Steven Spielberg’s masterpiece, based onMichael Crichton’s novelof the same name,introduced audiences to ground-breaking visual effects, while also captivating them with an engaging storywith a host of interesting characters.
Of course, the biggest draw for audiences at the time was the dinosaurs.Jurassic Parkbrought iconic dinos like the Tyrannosaurus Rex, Velociraptor, and Brachiosaurus to life in a way that no other film before it had. Plenty of films have tried to replicate the success ofJurassic Parkby including dinosaurs, but unfortunately for audiences,few have managed to claim the same level of quality.
10’Jurassic World Dominion' (2022)
Directed by Colin Trevorrow
Jurassic World Dominionis a baffling film in many ways. Its predecessor, 2018’sJurassic World: Fallen Kingdom, had previously beenthe franchise’s weakest entry, but its ending seemed to at least be setting up an interesting action-adventure movie wheredinosaurs would be roaming the world. Unfortunately,Dominionalmost completely ignores this setup, choosing to send many of the dinosaurs to a dinosaur preserve, and bringing everyone together to solvea locust-related mysterythat happens to bring them to said preserve. The final product ends up being surprisinglylight on dinosaursfor aJurassicfilm.
Dominionbrings back the main cast from the originalJurassic Park, includingSam Neill,Laura Dern, andJeff Goldblum. Unfortunately, while it’s nice to see their characters again,they don’t get particularly satisfying arcsdue to the fact that, unlike the original film,Dominionisn’t focused on character development. It has entertaining moments, like the return of the Dilophosaurus, but overall, this is a fairly weak dinosaur movie.
Jurassic World Dominion
9’Tammy and the T-Rex' (1994)
Directed by Stewart Raffill
Tammy and the T-Rexcenters around Tammy (Denise Richards) and her boyfriend Michael (Paul Walker). One day, Michael is attacked and taken by Tammy’s jealous ex-boyfriend, Billy (George Pilgrim), wholeaves him in a safari park to be attacked by a lion. Michael is found alive, but is soon taken by Dr. Gunther Wachenstein (Terry Kiser), a scientist who transplants Michael’s brain into an animatronic T-Rex, with the strength of the real thing.
The plot sounds silly, butsomehow the film is even sillier. The sound effects are overly cartoonish, the acting is over-the-top, and the story takes a number of absolutely ridiculous turns. But in the end, the film is still fantastically entertaining. Scenes where Michael, as the T-Rex, holds a payphone up to his face, or attempts to play charades, are hilarious, and itmakes the film worth watching, despite its poor quality.
Tammy and the T-Rexis available to stream on Peacock in the U.S.
WATCH ON PEACOCK
8’Dinosaur Hotel' (2021)
Directed by Jack Peter Mundy
InDinosaur Hotel, ordinary people are fooled into participating in a vague game show. Initially, contestants are invited to a hotel to learn more details, with the promise of a huge cash prize for anyone who wins. When they arrive, however, they learn thatthe hotel is filled with dinosaurs, and that the challenge is to be the last one left alive.
Dinosaur Hotelsounds like it could be a fun, turn-off-your-brain kind of movie, butin execution, the film sadly falls short. The dinosaurs that are present, which are mostly restricted to Velociraptors, are products of some of the worst CGI in any film, but they are also barely shown, despite their presence in many scenes. Most of the suspense is built either through the dinosaurs pounding on doors, or ineffective reaction shots that justdon’t quite sell the peril of the situation.Dinosaur Hotelends up being more boring than it should be, an unfortunate quality of many bad dinosaur films.
Dinosaur Hotelis available to stream on Tubi in the U.S.
WATCH ON TUBI
7’Cowboys vs Dinosaurs' (2015)
Directed by Ari Novak
InCowboys vs Dinosaurs, a group of miners accidentally releases a small group of dinosaurs that has adapted to living underground. The situation is made worse when the same mining company elects to blow a giant hole into the mine, releasing even more dinosaurs,who then proceed to swarm into a nearby town. The film then follows a small group of survivors as they attempt to overcome the prehistoric threat.
Cowboys vs Dinosaurs' biggest issue is that it doesn’t deliver on the absurdity implied in its title. The film takes place in the modern day, and has no influence from the Western genre whatsoever, unlike the similarly titledCowboys & Aliens, a film which, whileheavily flawed, at least delivers on its premise. The dinosaurs are also extremely underwhelming, as the film featuresterrible CGI effects that often add unintentional comedy to its scenes. It’s easy to imagine a version ofCowboys vs Dinosaursthat is a fun romp, but the actual movie is a boring mess.
Cowboys Vs Dinosaurs
6’Super Mario Bros.' (1993)
Directed by Annabel Jankel and Rocky Morton
Hollywood’s first attempt at adapting the video game industry’s biggest property was a complete flop in more ways than one. While the film failed to make a dent at the box office, it alsocompletely failed at being a faithful adaptationof its source material, pitting Mario (Bob Hoskins) and Luigi (John Leguizamo) against a humanoid King Koopa (Dennis Hopper) in a steampunk version of Manhattan, inspired more byBlade Runnerthan the Mushroom Kingdom.
Super Mario Bros.is set in Dinohattan, a major city in an alternate timeline where dinosaurs evolved into humans and became the dominant species. Mario and Luigi are sucked into this alternate universe and interact with a variety of dinosaurs, but aside from Yoshi,none of the effects manage to make much of an impact, especially sinceJurassic Parkwasreleased mere weeks later. Ultimately, aside from themany stories of its troubled production, the film has faded into relative obscurity, especially now that it’s overshadowed by amuch more faithful adaptationof its source material.
Super Mario Bros.
Super Mario Bros.is available to buy on Amazon in the U.S.
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5’The VelociPastor' (2018)
Directed by Brendan Steere
InThe VelociPastor, priest Doug Jones (Gregory James Cohan) finds an artifact that allows him to transform himself into a dinosaur. After his first transformation, he meets Carol (Alyssa Kempinski), a sex worker who convinces Doug to fight crime with his new dinosaur powers. This quest to combat crime ends up pitting the VelociPastor againstcriminals, ninjas, and even an exorcist.
If the title wasn’t proof enough,The VelociPastoris completely absurd. There is next to no budget, which is something that the film fully leans into. Doug’s dinosaur form looks laughably bad, andan early scene depicts a flaming car using text that simply reads “VFX: Car on fire”, but while the film’s tongue-in-cheek tone manages to save certain scenes,the movie as a whole is a poorly made mess, with the nonexistent budget sadly holding the film back from living up to its full comedic potential.
The VelociPastor
4’Carnosaur' (1993)
Directed by Adam Simon
Carnosauris one of the most notorious dinosaur b-movies. The film focuses on the creation of a disease which is capable ofimpregnating women with dinosaurs. Released about a month beforeJurassic Park,Carnosaurreceived a limited theatrical release, while being widely-released direct-to-video.
The direct-to-video market was a great place for low-budget b-movies to thrive in the ’90s. These films had the potential to make a decent profit through rentals, and while oftentimes they were of a lower quality than the major blockbuster releases of the era, they could be entertaining in their own right, withmany gaining acult-following for being hilariously bad.Carnosaurnearly falls into this category, but it is paced so poorly, dragging in many scenes, thatit lacks the entertainment value of some of its direct-to-video counterparts. Had it leaned into its cheesier aspects a little more, it may have had a different effect, but as it is,Carnosauris a boring slog.
Carnosauris available to buy on Amazon in the U.S.
3’Adventures in Dinosaur City' (1991)
Directed by Brett Thompson
Adventures in Dinosaur Cityis a direct-to-video kids' movie that centers on three children, Timmy (Omri Katz), Mick (Shawn Hoffman) and Jamie (Tiffanie Poston), who enter the world of a famous,Flintstones-like cartoon using a new device invented by Timmy’s parents. In the world of the cartoon, anthropomorphic dinosaurs are oppressed by a gang of neanderthals, and an evil dino named Mr. Big (Patrick Labyorteaux).
Adventures in Dinosaur Cityfeels like amovie based on a toy linethat never existed. The film’s fantasy world is fleshed out with a number of different locations that all feel like they could be play sets, while dinosaur heroes Rex (Patrick Labyorteaux) and Tops (David Jolliffe) feel like they were made to be action figures. The cinematography and acting alsomake the film feel like a cheesy ’90s toy commercial, attempting to sell the audience on its “cool” characters. Unfortunately, there’s not much there to appeal to adults, but there’s also a strange amount of humor that would go over the heads of young children, makingDinosaur Citya confusing project that simply isn’t worth watching.
Adventures in Dinosaur Cityis not available to stream.
2’Theodore Rex' (1996)
Directed by Jonathan Betuel
Theodore Rexis a buddy-detective film set in a futuristic world where humans and anthropomorphic dinosaurs live alongside each other, though not without tension between the species. Theodore Rex (George Newbern), a T-Rex and an officer, is paired up with Katie Coltrane (Whoopi Goldberg), an experienced detective, in order to solve the murder of a dinosaur. Ultimately, their investigation leads to them stopping a human-induced Ice Age from occurring.
This film is terrible. It is completely devoid of passion, and feels likea cheap attempt at cashing in on how popular dinosaurs are with children. The humor in particular is painfully unfunny, and feels like it was made with no real target audience in mind. While admittedly, the dinosaurs themselves look okay, they pale in comparison to the similar,Henson-createddinosaurs from the sitcomDinosaurs, released just a few years earlier. Overall,Theodore Rexis a product of the direct-to-video film market in the ’90s that lacks any redeemable qualities.
Theodore Rexis available to buy on Amazon in the U.S.
1’Future War' (1997)
Directed by Anthony Doublin
1997’sFuture Waris set in a version of the future where humans from the past have been enslaved in space, and if they try to escape they are hunted down by dinosaurs, who were taken from their time period specifically to act as trackers of escaped enslaved people. The film follows one escapee (Daniel Bernhardt) as he teams up with a nun (Travis Brooks Stewart) and some of her former criminal connections in an attempt to escape and overcome both the pursuing dinosaurs, and an evil cyborg (Robert Z’Dar).
This film is another notorious direct-to-video movie. While many of these films rely on cheap effects to bring their story to life,Future War’seffects are some of the least convincing of any film.Forced perspective shotsare used in abundance in order to make the dinosaurs appear larger than they are, butthis effect is rarely pulled off with any degree of success, with the dinosaurs often looking like hand puppets that were placed directly in front of the camera. The editing doesn’t help matters, with most action scenes being incoherent messes, wherethe dinosaurs appear to constantly be changing size. It may very well be one of the worst movies of all time.
