What would you do if you found out your partner was lying to you about liking your work? That is the question at the core ofNicole Holofcener’s 2023 filmYou Hurt My Feelings. It starsJulia Louis-Dreyfusas Beth, a writer who is forced to examine her work and her relationship after overhearing her husband Don (Tobias Menzies) tell someone thathe doesn’t like her new book. The film features an incisively sharp, poignant, and funny script — something audiences have come to expect from Holofcener — that examines why wesometimes feel compelled to lie to those closest to us, as well as what hardships can accompany defining yourself by your work. With such universal themes being explored,You Hurt My Feelingstruly is a film with something for everyone.
Nicole Holofcener’s Script Explores the Fragile Nature of Trust in Relationships
Beth and Don are introduced to the audience as a happy, successful, and well-adjusted couple inYou Hurt My Feelings.She is an accomplished writerand teacher, andhe is a therapistwith his own practice. They have a 23-year-old son whom they shower with nothing but love and support. Although the opening scene hints at the fact that Don may be feeling unfulfilled in his job, there are no problems in sight with regard to the couple’s relationship at the film’s outset. That all changes when Beth hears Don tell her brother-in-law that he doesn’t like the new book she’s been working on, while she and her sister are playfully sneaking up on the two men at Paragon Sports. Beth is not only devastated, but shocked considering that Don has told her over and over that he loves the book every time she’s asked him to read it. This revelation causes her deep pain, and forces her toquestion whether or not she can trust her husband going forward.
Arian MoayedofSuccessionfameandMichaela Watkinsstar as the aforementioned brother-in-law and sister. As the film progresses, it becomes clear the ways in which Holofcener’ssmart but simplepremise is relevant to not only the two people directly involved with the central lie, but all four main characters. Mark (Moayed) is a working actor and Sarah (Watkins) is an interior decorator. Much like Beth and Don, the two have a healthy relationship. But, in the wake of the lie, the viewer sees how Mark and Sarah’s relationship also acts as a way to explore the film’s main themes of why we lie and what struggles people who find value in their work can facewhen they share that work with the people in their life.
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Remember Valentina Allegra de Fontaine?
You Hurt My Feelingswas Louis-Dreyfus and Holofcener’s second film together. The pair first teamed up on thetender and endearingly funny 2013 rom-comEnough Said. Given the success of both films, it is clear that Holofcener is incredibly adept at writing forLouis-Dreyfus’ voice and comedic tone. She also brings out the best in Louis-Dreyfus as a dramatic actor.You Hurt My Feelingsworks, in large part, due to the memorable and emotionally resonant performance given by the formerVeepandSeinfeldstar.
A24’s ‘You Hurt My Feelings’ Is an Examination of the Lies We Sometimes Have To Tell
In an interview with theNew York Times, Holofcener stated the idea for this film came when she began questioning whether the people who screened her movies or read her scripts were giving her an honest assessment:
“It started brewing as soon as I started screening my movies or having people read my scripts, wondering if they’re telling me the truth or not. And believing that I can tell. What a nightmare this situation would be, if somebody that close to me revealed to someone else that they didn’t like my work, or even just one of my movies.”
Centering her story on a married couplegave further depth to the question of what would happen if this type of lie was revealed, andYou Hurt My Feelingsbrilliantly doesn’t just condemn Don for lying. Holofcener understands the nuance of the situation she presents in the film. Rather than just focusing her story on the lie itself, she examines the reason for the lie in the first place. Through Don and Beth, the viewer is reminded that we oftenhave to lie to people in our lives to protect or support them. But, Holofcener then questions theselfish natureof such support. The film asks: if your way of supporting someone is lying to them in order to avoid a difficult or awkward conversation, is this support actually selfish? The answer may be yes, especially when that tough conversation may ultimately be more beneficial for the other person than blind support.
You Hurt My Feelingsalso explores howsupportive lies can sometimes be a burden. This is seen through Beth and Don’s relationship with their son, Eliot (Owen Teague). An aspiring playwright who is currently employed as the manager of aweed shop, Eliot receives nothing but overwhelming support from his parents,especially his mom. So much so, that he actually has to tell them to stop. This plotline acts as a way for Holofcener to address the idea that constantly telling someone they are great at something, even when they might not be, can sometimes just besetting them up for failure.
As complicated asYou Hurt My Feeling’s central questions are, one of the best aspects of the film is the simple way the story resolves itself. Holofcener has always been gifted at naturalistic storytelling.She doesn’t overdramatize the film’s central conflictfor the sake of entertainment or unnecessary tension-building. She presents a true-to-life portrait of marriage, all the way through the overtly realistic “time heals all wounds” way that Beth and Don resolve their issue. It was an equallybold and clever decision, one aided by the outstanding work done by Louis-Dreyfus and the rest of the cast.
You Hurt My Feelingsis available to watch on Netflix in the U.S.
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You Hurt My Feelings
A novelist’s longstanding marriage is suddenly upended when she overhears her husband giving his honest reaction to her latest book.
