Few movies are as engrossing, as capable of making an audience truly escape and have tunnel vision, quite like a first-rate thriller. Characterized by twists, careful plotting, and above all tension, thrillers have an enduring, timeless appeal, with plenty of genre crossover potential.
The high points of the thriller genre will be studied and enjoyed as long as moving pictures exist:The French Connectionis still raw and exhilarating over five decades later.The Silence of the Lambshas forever etched an imprint in the public imagination. Then, of course, there is Master of Suspense,Alfred Hitchcock, whose contribution to the medium is impossible to sum up. On the opposite end of the spectrum of such greatness,there are certainly bad thrillers out there that attempt to raise the pulse, and succeed only in slowing it down. According to critics on the Tomatometer, these are the worst thrillers of all time.
15’Shadow Conspiracy' (1997)
Rotten Tomatoes Tomatometer Score: 7%
Despite some big-name actors of the time and a fresh-enough premise,Shadow Conspiracyis an inept actioner, starringCharlie Sheenas a White House staffer entangled in, you guessed it, aShadow Conspiracy. Sheen has to discover the truth behind a supposed plan to kill the president, and soon learns that the conspiracy goes much deeper than anyone expected, and is much more dangerous.
Nothing about this film is surprising or inventive. The worst thing about the lame, lameShadow Conspiracyis its waste ofLinda Hamilton, the one and only Sarah Connor, in a supporting role that doesn’t deserve her.
Shadow Conspiracy
Watch on Hoopla
14’Stolen' (2009)
Rotten Tomatoes Tomatometer Score: 0%
Sometimes, not even the presence of stars likeJon HammandJosh Lucascan save a movie. Such is the case ofStolen, about a detective dealing with the death of his son while trying to uncover the identity of a boy whose mummified remains are found in a box that’s been buried for years.
The premise may sound like it could make for agripping mystery crime drama— and it probably could have, butin the hands of director Anders Anderson, the result is a lot more underwhelming.Stolenis a mystery that’s not mysterious, a thriller that doesn’t thrill, and a suspense drama with little to no tension anywhere in its clunky narrative.— Diego Pineda Pacheco
Rent on Apple TV
13’Dark Tide' (2012)
One of two unfortunate shark movies on this list saddles Academy Award winnerHalle Berryand real-life ex-husbandOlivier Martinezwith a shallow script about a cash-strapped shark expert (people call her “the shark whisperer”) who overcomes a recent trauma to assist an excitement-hungry millionaire’s joy ride into a strip of sea called “Shark Alley.”
Goodness knows Berry can carry any movie with a decent script, but reviewers were highly critical ofDark Tide’s lack of imagination. After all,how hard can it be to make a shark movie at least mindlessly entertaining? The universally panned film grossed just over $1 million against a relatively modest $25 million budget.
12’Killing Me Softly' (2002)
Done well, an erotic thriller is a decadence, alluring in the extreme. The late ’80s and early ’90s were the golden era of such films, withFatal Attraction,Basic Instinct,andThe Last Seductionenamoring audiences, critics, or both. Perhaps the godfather of the erotic thriller isBrian De Palma, whose hyper-stylized pictures grow in esteem among film buffs as the years pass.
Starring gorgeous and charismatic leads inHeather GrahamandJoseph Fiennes, featuring no shortage of graphic sex scenes, and directed by Palme d’Or winnerChen Kaige,Killing Me Softlynevertheless got a beat down from critics, whosingled out ludicrous plotting and unintentionally funny dialogue. Loosely based on the 1999 novel about budding mistrust in a marriage,Killing Me Softlyis the Chinese-American filmmaker’s first and final film in the English language.
Killing Me Softly
11’Precious Cargo' (2016)
Once upon a time, the absolute legend that isBruce Williswas one of the world’s biggest, most popular, and highest-grossing action movie stars.Then, later in his career, he started making more and more abysmal genre fluff. That’s the perfect description ofPrecious Cargo, a simple action comedy thriller about a crime boss trying to make off with loot that belongs to another thief.
When done right,action comedy movies can be an absolute blast. When done wrong, they end up looking kind of likePrecious Cargo. According to critics on Rotten Tomatoes, the movie feels like a cheesy B-movie in all the wrong ways, taking itself just a bit too seriously and rarely having fun with its own dumbness as a result. Bruce Willis filmography completionists will no doubt feel brave enough to get throughPrecious Cargo; but all those who just love the action thriller genre in general are better off watching something else.— Diego Pineda Pacheco
Precious Cargo
Watch on Amazon Prime
10’Stratton' (2017)
Directed by the sameSimon Westwho directed inCon Airone of the most iconic action movies of the ’90s,StrattonstarsDominic Cooperas a British Special Boat Service commando tracking down an international terrorist cell. Generic premises often result in generic movies, and this is no exception. At best, it’s a tolerable experience.At worst, it’s an incompetently crafted action thriller that fails to excite in any significant way.
Britain has put out plenty of truly exceptional filmsover the decades.Strattonisn’t one of them. Critics thought that its miscast ensemble and paper-thin script were issues impossible to overlook; but any action movie can somewhat overcome those problems when it has good action sequences. Sadly,Strattondoesn’t. These scenes have a rhythm that feels pedestrian and a lack of energy that could put anyone to sleep. When a thriller is more of a lullaby than a nail-biter, you know you’ve got a problem.— Diego Pineda Pacheco
Strattonis currently not available to stream, rent, or purchase in the U.S.
9’Homecoming' (2009)
A woman scorned had been done to death probably even beforeFatal Attraction. One of the lamest rehashes ever,Homecomingimitates that brand of erotic thriller with no bite. It’s slipshod.
The O.C.‘sMischa Bartonplays a femme fatale who seeks vengeance on a former lover (Matt Long) and his new girlfriend (Jessica Stroup). Good luck finding a positive review of this anywhere, as anyone who has seen it knows thatit’s entirely underwhelming and laughable, especially since the two leads have no chemistrywhatsoever.
8’The Disappointments Room’ (2016)
Along with something likeWhat’s the Worst That Could Happen?,The Disappointments Roomis an all-timer for bad movie title ideas. Seriously, who said this was a good idea? It follows a predictable plot that sees Dana (Kate Beckinsale), her husband, and young son move to the countryside, only to discover they aren’t alone in their new house.
Kate Beckinsale is a terrific actress, she was comic gold in the same year’sLove and Friendship, but her talents are neglected inthe lame haunted-house movieThe Disappointments Room.What an ironic title and generally a darn shame for everyone involved.
The Disappointments Room
7’London Fields' (2018)
Neo-noir is cinephile bliss when it’s inspired and fully formed. Modern examples that knocked it out of the park include the originalSin City,Guillermo del Toro’s darkly arrestingNightmare Alley, and even theJohn Wickmovies.
Based on the acclaimed novel of the same name by co-screenwriterMartin Amis,London Fieldsisa convoluted yet halfhearted stab at noir that’s utterly unconvincing, due at least in part to troubles behind the scenes that led to multiple existing cuts, and a long-shelved release.Billy Bob Thornton,Amber Heard,Jim Sturgess, andTheo Jamesstar in a messy would-be mood piece about a clairvoyant who has a vision of her own death.
London Fields
6’Left Behind' (2014)
Nicolas Cagestands alone in an acting category of his own creation. As often as he can, he tries to find ways to out-Cage himself. Sometimes, the result is fantastic. Other times, audiences are the ones that have to pay the price. Such was the tragic case withLeft Behind, a sci-fi thriller about a small group of survivors left behind after millions of people suddenly vanish and the world is left in shambles.
A strong contender for the highly-coveted title ofworst Nicolas Cage movie of all time,Left Behindearned the favor of not a single critic on Rotten Tomatoes. Hysterically bad without ever intending to be a comedy, the movie masks whatever possibly enjoyable camp it may have offered with clunky effects, terrible acting, and some of the worst writing the genre has ever seen.— Diego Pineda Pacheco
