Movie insults are basically an art form — it’s not easy coming up with intentionally offensive statements that are not only hilarious and witty but also reflect the character dishing them out. What’s even better is when these insults are delivered to people who really need them. A lot of times, it happens to be the villain or some other antagonist who is making the protagonist’s life miserable. Other times, it’s the other way around, yet still warranted.
These are the lines that audiences wish they had the courage to use themselves in everyday life, or at least wish they could come up with on the fly. Usually, insulting someone isn’t really okay, but if they’re anything like these characters, it might be a little more forgivable; after all, being offended is the least that they deserve, and it’s much more satisfying and fulfilling when they’re actually told off.These are the best and most satisfying movie insults, and many might even be the most memorable quotes from their films.
10Scruffy-looking nerf herder
‘Star Wars Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back’ (1980)
It’s certainly not a secret that Han Solo (Harrison Ford) isn’t always very nice to his girlfriend, Princess Leia (Carrie Fisher). He’s cold and abrasive and barely seems to reciprocate her feelings towards him. Han does love her but barely shows it, as is his nature. Part of Solo’s character is that he is very self-absorbed, although not enough to actuallybecome an unlikable protagonist.
InStar Wars: Episode V - The Empire Strikes Back, Solo is being his usual self, demeaning Leia and not really acknowledging the needs of her or the Rebel Alliance. They get into an argument at Echo Base, which results in some childish name-calling, all while Chewbacca (Peter Mayhew) giggles in the background. Eventually, Leia rears and shouts at Han, calling him a “stuck-up half-witted scruffy-looking nerf herder,” which is great becauseit’s so niche and only applies to the universe ofStar Wars.Yet it applies perfectly to Han, who only seems particularly bothered by the “scruffy-looking” part.
Star Wars: Episode V - The Empire Strikes Back
9The breakup
‘The Social Network’ (2010)
Right out of the gates,The Social Networkestablishes itself as ahighly rewatchable moviewith fantastic dialogue. One of the very first scenes is when future Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg (Jesse Eisenberg) is getting dumped by his girlfriend, Erica (Rooney Mara). She starts by telling him that he will probably think that Erica and other women won’t like him because he’s too much of a nerd.
She then follows with, “I want you to know, from the bottom of my heart, that won’t be true. It’ll be because you’re an a**hole.” She raises his hopes at first, making it seem like he’s not too nerdy for dating, that there might be hope, before crushing his dreams under her heel. This is one of the first scenes of the movie, so Mark hasn’t quite earned the reaming he gets from Erica yet. But later on in the film, he absolutely does. Erica must have the power of foresight or something becauseshe tells him the cold, hard truthof it before everyone else has the time to realize it.
The Social Network
8Inhuman monster
‘Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory’ (1971)
Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factoryfollows a young boy named Charlie (Peter Ostrum) and his Grandpa Joe (Jack Albertson) as they win a golden ticket to get a tour of Willy Wonka’s (Gene Wilder) famed chocolate and candy factory. Four other children also win, but they aren’t able to complete their tours because of various circumstances. Through several near-death experiences, four out of five children are escorted out of the factory, much to the horror of their parents.
At the end of the film, it is time for Wonka to deliver a reward to the “winner.” Charlie is the only one left, and Wonka refuses to give him the promised reward because he and Grandpa Joe secretly broke the rules earlier in the film. Wonka explodes in anger and tells them to leave, which prompts Grandpa Joe to fire back, stating, “How can you do a thing like this? Build up a little boy’s hopes and then smash all his dreams to pieces? You’re an inhuman monster!” Considering the chaos that Wonka was secretly causing throughout the film,these abrasive jabs are absolutely deservedand may have even been part of the reason he changed his mind.
Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory
7Warthog-faced buffoon
‘The Princess Bride’ (1987)
Thereisn’t a single wasted line of dialogueinThe Princess Bride, but this line is perhaps the best. It occurs towards the end of the movie when the villainous Prince Humperdinck (Chris Sarandon) challenges Westley (Cary Elwes) to a duel. Humperdinck wants this to be a fight to the death, but Westley suggests they fight “to the pain.” For those not sure what that means, Westley is right there to explain: “I’ll be sure to use small words so that you understand, you warthog-face buffoon.”
Humperdinck admits that this is the first time anyone has ever had the guts to insult him, which shows how little he knows about Westley. Not only is this a double insult —it’s a jab at his intelligence and his looks— but it’s delivered to one of the most despicable fantasy villains in cinema. Sure, Humperdinck probably deserved a lot more than that, but this is a start. Plus, it’s immediately followed up by a few other, less acerbic insults, so Westley is on the right track to giving Humperdinck his comeuppance.
The Princess Bride
6…And you smell
‘The Witches of Eastwick’ (1987)
The Witches of Eastwickfollows three women living in Rhode Island who are deeply unsatisfied with their lives. Bonding over their misery,they form a witches' coventhat meets weekly to talk about men. One of them, Alex (Cher), is seduced by a mysterious new arrival, a man named Daryl (Jack Nicholson). Despite his efforts, she really isn’t into him, even though she does eventually relent because, surprise, he is the Devil.
Thus, Daryl is a bit of a pig, rude and sleazy, and any time he opens his mouth, nothing but garbage comes out. Disgusted, Alex finally lets him have it, saying, “You are physically repulsive… morally reprehensible, vulgar, insensitive, selfish, stupid, you have no taste, a lousy sense of humor, and you smell.“It’s an attack on every aspect of Daryl’s character, and you know what? It’s well-earned. It’s fantastic to see someone stick it to that slimeball, and Cher makes sure to emphasize every word with delicious contempt.
The Witches of Eastwick
5There’s a name for you ladies
‘The Women’ (1939)
It can be agreed that gossip is pretty terrible. It’s wrong to talk about people in negative ways, especially behind their backs. Well, there’s a lot of gossip inThe Women, which follows an all-female cast all interconnected in various ways. One of these women is Crystal (Joan Crawford), an ambitious perfume counter girl with a sharp tongue.
At the end of the movie, the women confront Crystal, who’s been having affairs with some of their husbands. Left with no option but to return to the perfume counter, the ever-witty Crystal says goodbye to the women with what is possibly the classiest insult in movie history: “There’s a name for you ladies, but it isn’t used in high society… outside of a kennel;” it’s easy to infer what the word is.The insult is deliciously clever and acerbicwithout ever uttering a profane word. It’s strange for the antagonist of a movie to get the last word, but then again, not every antagonist is played bythe incredible Joan Crawford.
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4Where’s the Tylenol?
‘National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation’ (1989)
Clark Griswold’s (Chevy Chase) iconic rant inNational Lampoon’s Christmas Vacationis by far the best insult in the movie, thanks to how specific and wordy it is. It comes as part of a lengthy, explosive rant that the movie has been building up to. Everything Clark has planned for his old-fashioned family Christmas is falling apart, and the only thing keeping him going is the arrival of his Christmas bonus from work. Instead, he receives an invitation to a jelly of the month club and realizes that his cheapskate boss isn’t issuing bonuses this year.
He then goes berserk, calling his boss a “cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, four-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dless, hopeless, heartless, fatass, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkey st.” He finishes his angry tangent with, “Alleluia, holy s**!” It would have been funny enough on its own, but the “Where’s the Tylenol?” is just the cherry on top. Not only is this insult funny,its a great jab at horrible, cheap bossesthat everyone in the working world has had at some point. And to be honest, this boss particularly deserved it: taking away his employees' Christmas bonuses without even telling them is just plain rude.
National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation
3Dumbest answer ever
‘Billy Madison’ (1995)
Most people have put forward ideas in group settings before, whether it’s at school or work or even just planning a family outing or a get-together with friends. But it’s rare that any idea would be as poorly received as the one inBilly Madison. While competing in aJeopardy-style game, Billy (Adam Sandler) tries to answer a question that’s way out of his knowledge. Instead of just receiving a simple “incorrect,” the decathlon’s judge (Jim Downey) delivers a cold, harsh, yet true response.
See, Billy is a privileged guy who had everything handed to him in life and only made it through school by his family bribing teachers. Now, at 27, he is forced to go through the entirety of school in a few short months to prove he is worthy to receive his family’s inheritance — spoiler alert, he really is an idiot. The answer he gives is so absurd that it prompts the principal to respond, “What you’ve just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.“Sure, Billy’s the protagonist, but it’s good to finallysee someone who is coasting through life without care get a reality check, which is what makes this one fulfilling.
Billy Madison
‘A Fish Called Wanda’ (1988)
A Fish Called Wandais a crime-comedymovie starringJamie Lee Curtisas the titular Wanda, one of four in a jewel heist crew. She, along with one of her accomplices, Otto (Kevin Kilhe), plans to double-cross the others and take the loot for themselves, but Otto, a pseudo-intellectual, nearly flubs their plans. Wanda is extremely angry with him and calls him stupid, much to his chagrin. She further tells him, “Oh, right, to call you stupid would be an insult to stupid people! I’ve known sheep that could outwit you; I’ve worn dresses with higher IQs, but you think you’re an intellectual, don’t you, ape?”
When Otto claims apes cannot read philosophy, she tells him they can but they just don’t understand it. To further rub salt in the wound, Wanda starts correcting Otto on some of his misconceptions about fine art and history.The rant is like angry poetry, every word of which Otto deserved. His mistake is quite terrible, nearly throwing them under the bus, sothis insult is a much-needed wake-up call, letting Otto know that he isn’t nearly as smart as he thinks he is.
A Fish Called Wanda
1Chocolate pie
‘The Help’ (2011)
The Helpfollows an aspiring author (Emma Stone) who takes to writing about a group of Black women who work as maids for a rich family in the South of the United States during the 1960s. Among these maids is Minny (Olivia Spencer), who is noted for having a delicious chocolate pie recipe. Minny is fired by her boss — a real piece of work named Hilly (Bryce Dallas Howard) — because she used an indoor bathroom during a tornado. Hilly then spins up this terrible lie that Minny stole from her, which forced Hilly’s daughter to quit school and work to make up for the financial loss.
Minny then cooks up a scheme so deliciously diabolical that it’s hard not to root for her. She approaches Hilly with one of her chocolate pies, insisting it’s all for her. After eating two slices of the pie, Hilly decides to pick a fight, prompting Milly to exclaim, “Eat my s***!” Hilly is angry at first until Minny reveals that she has literally baked her feces into the pie. The insult itself wouldn’t have been very special, but the action accompanying it makes this moment truly magical. By far, the best part is Hilly’s mother’s cackle upon learning the truth.It’s one of the most triumphant moments in modern cinema, further elevated by Octavia Spencer’s angry delivery.
NEXT:10 TV Characters Who Always Deliver the Best Insults, According to Reddit
